She’s quiet, subtle, and always within reach. She doesn’t demand your attention, but she draws it anyway. She sits in your hand, glowing softly, inviting you to escape into endless distraction. She is the silent mistress in your marriage—and her name is scrolling.
In our hyperconnected world, we’re more plugged in than ever but more disconnected in our relationships. The phone has become a third party in too many marriages, slowly eroding the intimacy, attention, and connection that every marriage needs to thrive. This isn’t just a modern inconvenience; it’s a cultural crisis.
I know because I’ve seen it firsthand—not just in others but in myself.
When Scrolling Becomes a Silent Thief
Sandy and I have always worked hard to keep our marriage strong. From day trips and date nights to sharing meaningful conversations, we’ve prioritized each other. But even in a healthy marriage, the pull of distraction is real.
There have been moments when I’ve found myself scrolling through Facebook or Instagram, thinking I’d only spend a minute or two. Thirty minutes later, I’d realize I’d been sucked into a rabbit hole of mindless reels—many of them pointless. It’s shocking how quickly time slips away.
Sure, some videos are educational or inspirational, but if I’m honest with myself, the majority aren’t. They’re just noise—entertaining but empty. And the more I scroll, the more I want to keep scrolling. It’s addictive. But every moment spent staring at my phone is a moment stolen from Sandy, from my kids, and from the mission God has called me to.
This isn’t just my struggle. Research backs it up:
- A study by the Pew Research Center found that 51% of adults in relationships say their partner’s phone use distracts them during conversations.
- Excessive phone use has been linked to decreased relationship satisfaction and increased feelings of loneliness, even when partners are physically present.
It’s wild that in an age of unprecedented digital connection, we’ve become so disconnected in our relationships—especially in our marriages.
How Scrolling Hurts Marriage
Scrolling is different from the distractions of the past. Television, for instance, could be a shared experience. Couples could watch a show together, laugh together, and bond over the experience. But scrolling? It’s isolating. It pulls you into your own world and leaves your spouse on the outside.
Over time, this creates emotional distance. Intimacy suffers. Communication breaks down. Without realizing it, you become strangers in your own home.
Proverbs 4:23 reminds us: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” When scrolling takes precedence, it becomes a distraction that pulls your heart away from your spouse. And make no mistake: your marriage needs your heart. It needs your attention, your time, and your intentionality.
From Distraction to Connection: Taking Back Your Marriage
The good news is that you don’t have to let the silent mistress of scrolling steal your marriage. With intentionality and effort, you can turn the tide. Here are a few steps that have worked for me and Sandy—and might work for you too:
1. Set Boundaries Around Scrolling
- Choose specific times for scrolling, like early in the morning or during solo breaks.
- Use tools like Screen Time or Digital Wellbeing to track your usage and set limits.
- Avoid scrolling during shared moments, like meals, evenings, or date nights.
2. Make Scrolling Meaningful
Not all scrolling has to be isolating. Sandy and I often share reels with each other. When I find something funny or interesting, I show her, and we laugh about it together. This turns a meaningless video into a moment of connection.
3. Unplug Intentionally
Create phone-free zones or times in your day. For us, this might mean setting aside time during dinner or before bed to be fully present with each other. It’s incredible how even 30 minutes without distractions can lead to deeper conversations and greater intimacy.
4. Reevaluate Your Content
If scrolling is necessary for your work or personal development, focus on constructive content—educational or inspirational videos. But if you find yourself mindlessly consuming entertainment, it’s time to reevaluate.
5. Talk About It With Your Spouse
The first step to change is awareness. Sit down with your spouse and have an honest conversation about how scrolling might be affecting your marriage. Together, you can create a plan to reconnect and prioritize each other.
The Bigger Picture: Guarding What Matters Most
When Sandy and I began our marriage, we knew God had called us to something greater—a marriage ministry that would help others build stronger, more inspired relationships. But the journey hasn’t been easy. The first five years of our marriage were scarred by my 19-year addiction. It was only by God’s grace that we found healing and purpose.
That experience taught us the importance of guarding our marriage from anything that threatens to pull us apart—whether it’s addiction, stress, or even something as seemingly harmless as scrolling.
Ephesians 5:15-16 reminds us: “Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.”
The time we have with our spouses is precious. We can’t afford to waste it.
A Challenge for You
Is scrolling stealing from your marriage? Be honest with yourself. Look at how much time you spend on your phone and ask: Is this helping or hurting my relationship?
This week, I challenge you to take one intentional step to reconnect with your spouse. Maybe it’s turning off your phone during dinner, watching reels together instead of alone, or simply having a conversation about how you can prioritize each other.
Don’t let the silent mistress of distraction steal what God has joined together. Instead, choose connection. Choose intimacy. Choose your marriage.
Because no reel, no like, and no post will ever be as meaningful as the person sitting right next to you.
Living a God-Inspired Marriage,
Chris
Latest posts by Chris Benton (see all)
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