The Power of Labels in Marriage: How Are You Defining Your Spouse?

Some may think, “I haven’t labeled my spouse,” but let’s be honest – we all do it to some extent. Labels can slip into our relationships without us even realizing it. And whether the label is positive or negative, once it’s there, it affects the way we see our spouse. When those labels stop building up and start breaking down, they can easily lead a marriage off course.

How Do Labels Harm Your Marriage?

The way you label your spouse becomes the lens through which you see them. You can try to see beyond that label, but it’s tough to break through something you’ve already stamped on them. Just like you act in alignment with how you view yourself, your spouse will tend to act in line with the way you see them.

We often set a label, and before long, our spouse lives up to it because that’s all we’re looking for. Then we think, “See? I knew they would act this way. I saw it coming all along.”

Sometimes, these labels come from our own wounds and insecurities. Often, we project our own struggles, viewing others through the filter of our own hurt. If we feel wounded or angry inside, we might see anger or defensiveness in our spouse, even if they’re not acting that way.

In the first five years of our marriage, Sandy could have labeled me many things because of my addictions. She didn’t deserve the pain I caused her. She hadn’t signed up for that kind of marriage, but she stood firm when I couldn’t. Instead of tearing me down, she lifted me up, reminding me of my worth and showing me love despite my struggles.

Over the years, as we’ve shared our story, some people have said, “Oh, Sandy just let you walk all over her.” But they didn’t understand that through Sandy, I experienced God’s pure love. Her willingness to see me with compassion allowed God to work on my heart, shaping me into the man God had in mind – and the husband Sandy truly needed.

Sandy could have labeled me with a list of negative traits in those early years, but she chose something different. She saw me as a child of God who needed love, as someone worthy of grace, and as a human being who was hurting. She understood that hurting people often end up hurting others.

Today, as we celebrate over 22 years of marriage, I am forever grateful she didn’t label me with condemnation. If she had, we might not be here today, with two beautiful kids, ages 12 and 5. And I might not have experienced almost 17 years of sobriety.

Now, don’t misunderstand me. I’m not saying you should overlook serious issues like cheating or physical abuse. That’s not the point of this message. The point is that your marriage will reflect the labels you put on it – for better or for worse. Your spouse will either rise to or fall short of the label you choose to see them through.

So, take a moment to consider the labels you attach to your spouse. By choosing to see them with grace and love, you can completely shift the direction of your marriage.!

Living a God-Inspired Marriage,

Chris Benton

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I am co-founder of Inspired Marriage. I went through 19 years of addictions until God healed me Dec 26th, 2007. The first 5 years of our marriage was hell because of my addictions. With Sandy's patience, I was able to allow God to work in me and we have been growing spiritually together ever since! Oct 5th, 2023 was 21 years of marriage and it's been an inspired one!

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