The Marriage Puzzle - Inspired Marriage

We have come to realize that a marriage is like putting a puzzle together. The more we grow together the more each piece of the puzzle comes together. The question is, are you adding the pieces to your marriage puzzle or taking them away by what you are currently doing? The next thing to ask is if you are adding the pieces then are you adding the right pieces?

We all add to our marriages each and everyday but sometimes we try and add the wrong things and then force those things. Once we start doing that the marriage puzzle tends to look all funky. Have you ever put together a puzzle and tried to force the pieces together? Of couse not because you know if the pieces don’t fit then the puzzle won’t look how it is supposed to look.

Why then do you add pieces to your marriage that God says no on? Why do you insist on having these things when you know in your heart that God didn’t create marriage to be this way?

There are so many right pieces that we don’t have time to focus on the wrong pieces but most married couples focus so much on the wrong pieces that they don’t have time to focus on the right pieces. So many people work so hard at making the wrong pieces fit in their marriage that they distort what God intended for marriage.

God did not intend our marriages to be in disunity but many are.

God didn’t intend our marriages to be disloyal but many are.

God didn’t intend for there to be separation in our marriages but many are whether it is physically or emotionally.

God didn’t intend for there to be independence in our marriages but many are.

The big questions is, how do you go from all the wrong pieces to trading them in for the right pieces and knowing the difference?

We think it all boils down to what does God say? If God says one thing and you are doing differently then change. You have to take marriage seriously.

So what are some of the marriage pieces that God wants. God created for us to become one in marriage. Becoming oneness is his number 1 goal of marriage. God also wanted us to actually spend time together. Why would God bring two people together for them to be miserable? He didn’t, we bring misery to the marriage by what we do or don’t do in it.

God wants you to find your shared vision that he has for you. Once you marry, God has a shared vision for the two of you. One you find it, you will be on your way to fulfilling what God has planned for you and your spouse. One point on the shared vision, this doesn’t mean that you both do the exact same thing within this vision. This means that you find a way to intertwine both of your purposes together in one. There is always a way!

For example; the husband is called to preach and the wife is called to speak to women, well then you can intertwine then through a church. That is just an example but you can take most of anything and find a way to bring the two of you together. God wants this for your marriage.

What are you doing today to benefit the marriage to help bring pieces together. See we all start with a blank puzzle and all of the pieces scattered together. We have to find the right pieces to create the puzzle. By going through all the pieces and learning and spending time together we start to piece everything together.

We start by finding the corners of marriage which is our core beliefs. As we piece those beliefs together we have an outline of what the marriage puzzle will look like as we find more of the right pieces.

As we start filling in the puzzle we start to see the overall picture then the easier it becomes. Also as we start filling in the inside pieces, we start to fill those deep emotions for each other and open our hearts up. Our puzzle should never be completely filled but we should work on it everyday anyway.

Two pieces of the puzzle that we see missing in a lot of marriages has to do with being easy to please and appreciating each other. Both of these are so simple but most people miss them. These pieces are hidden with all of the others because these two issues are so powerful.

When you start to become easy to please, you then find it easier to appreciate your spouse. We believe that both go hand in hand. It is hard to not appreciate your spouse if they are also easy to please. When you get to the point where you stop making demands and realize that your spouse is human and start showing them that you are easy to please now, they will start appreciating you even more.

We truly feel that because both of us are so easy to please, it makes appreciating each other that more easy. Try it and see what happens.

We recently studied the 5 love languages which was awesome BUT I think a lot of people miss another important point. Most people hear what the love languages are all about and then learn the others’ biggest love language and then turn around and focus on ONLY that.

All 5 of the love languages are important. You can’t take any of them away. All 5 are very powerful. It is great to know your spouses’ main love languages but its even more important to learn all 5 and treat your spouse through all 5.

We know through all 5 is where Christ will lead your marriage. He wants us to live up to his standard and his standard is all 5. As you read the bible he uses all 5 languages throughout different parts.

So what does all this mean? It means that it’s time to start looking at your marriage like a puzzle and working together to find the right pieces for your marriage. God will lead you to the right pieces but you have to be open to change. Bring God to the center and all of the pieces will start to fall together.

Living an Inspired marriage,

Chris Benton

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Chris Benton

I am co-founder of Inspired Marriage. I went through 19 years of addictions until God healed me Dec 26th, 2007. The first 5 years of our marriage was hell because of my addictions. With Sandy's patience, I was able to allow God to work in me and we have been growing spiritually together ever since! Oct 5th, 2023 was 21 years of marriage and it's been an inspired one!