A lot of married couples don’t want to hear this but as my title says, you really do need to listen. Even if you feel you are not changing, listen anyway because their interpretation does matter.
Whether its true or not, perception overtakes reality. This also means you may be changing without even realizing it. You see, in marriage, many times we change as individuals so slow that by the time it’s noticed by ourselves, it’s almost too late.
Your spouse knows you best because they are with you the most or at least should be. They sleep in the same bed so they see things that other people don’t see.
How many times have you heard divorcing couples say we just grew apart? What does that really mean? It means that one or both was changing but neither of them stood up to that change until it was just too late and they felt like they just grew apart.
We never grow apart alone, it takes work to grow apart. How do you go from loving your spouse so deeply to growing apart just a few short years later? It’s all about you changing in ways that affect your marriage and are never challenged on it.
Maybe this will hurt your EGO? That’s OK because your marriage is way more important than your EGO. Don’t allow pride to get in your way of having an extraordinary marriage!
Do you not trust your spouse? Do you not trust their opinions? If you don’t that could be a whole another subject but for this article, let’s assume you trust your spouse!
If you trust your spouse then why not at least listen? Can they be wrong? YES but so can YOU! The two of you need to discuss this perception so that you can get to the root of it before it divides both of you!
Let me be a little transparent here. let me give you an example of something that happened years ago. I am ashamed to admit this but this shows we all have to be careful!
We launched a country music site where would interview up and coming country artists. It was great but it I started changing without realizing it. I was interviewing 75% women and Sandy started to notice a change in my attitude.
Did I do anything wrong? NO, Did I break any vows? NO. Did I even flirt? NO. It wasn’t nothing sexual, it was just a small EGO forming. It was a small issue but she could still tell. When small things happen, you have to nip them in the bud from the beginning! What she noticed was a change in my personality and attitude and she saw it as a bad thing for our marriage.
Some people right here may try to say she was insecure but that’s so far from the truth. She saw a difference in me and talked to me about it. She flat out told me I am changing and she doesn’t like the change. She went on to tell me how it makes her feel so I listened. Yes it was hard to listen but I did.
After I thought about it, I came to the same conclusion and realized that she was right so I immediately shut down that site. I didn’t ask her. I did that on my own. She would have told me I didn’t need to do that but i knew i did need to do that because our marriage outside of God is the most important thing to me.
Sometimes we don’t see whats right in front of us because its about us but those around us do especially our spouses see it! Even small things will become big issues if you are not careful.
What if i wasn’t willing to listen? I might have destroyed or marriage over time. At the least I would have destroyed the intimacy that we have!
This all happened even in the middle of us still growing. This is how easy the enemy can get in your mind and heart. It doesn’t take much.
Sandy and I have for many years set up guardrails around our marriage so that nothing can get it. But through this site, i found a loop hole and I am thankful that Sandy trusted me enough to tell me the truth.
Your spouse needs to know if they can bring something like this to you. Without that trust, they will be quiet and the intimacy of your marriage will not only suffer but could fade completely away until the two of you grow apart.
If you want to have a solid and extraordinary marriage, then be there for each other. Suck your EGO in when they come to you because if you don’t, they may quit coming to you and that will over time destroy your marriage!
One last thing, always remember, God gave your spouse insights that you don’t have just like he gave you insights that they don’t have. He brought the two of you together on purpose for a purpose with a purpose! Listen to God and each other and you will have an extraordinary marriage!
Living an Inspired Marriage!
Chris Benton
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I am co-founder of Inspired Marriage. I went through 19 years of addictions until God healed me Dec 26th, 2007. The first 5 years of our marriage was hell because of my addictions. With Sandy's patience, I was able to allow God to work in me and we have been growing spiritually together ever since! Oct 5th, 2023 was 21 years of marriage and it's been an inspired one!
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