Reigniting the Fire in Your Marriage

Can You Feel It?

If you’ve been married for a while, chances are you’ve felt it: the drift, the quiet moments that don’t quite feel the same, the subtle shift from passion to routine. Marriage is a beautiful journey, but it’s also full of seasons. And while it’s easy to celebrate the highs, we often tiptoe around the lows.

Sandy and I have now crossed 22 years of marriage, and I can tell you—it hasn’t always been easy. But I believe that, with God’s grace, the times we’ve chosen to lean in instead of drift away have made all the difference.

Let me take you back to one of those moments.

When Comfort Becomes a Wall

After my sobriety in 2007, life seemed like it was finally leveling out. No more addictions weighing us down, no more uncertainty about where I stood. We were back in church, focusing on our growth as individuals and as a couple. But there was a lingering sense that something wasn’t right.

The passion we always had wasn’t shining as brightly. Yes, we still loved each other deeply, but something had shifted. I didn’t want to admit it, but we were in a routine—just going through the motions.

I’ve learned that this is where a lot of marriages lose their way. People assume that once the storms have passed, smooth sailing is guaranteed. But it’s often in the calm that marriages face their greatest challenge. And so, we had to dig deeper.

Taking the Hard Step

One day, I sat Sandy down. I asked her to tell me—really tell me—how she felt about everything we’d been through. Her hesitation was palpable. “Are you sure you want to know?” she asked.

My first instinct? No. But I knew that without this conversation, without giving her the space to process her pain, our marriage wouldn’t move forward.

As she began to share, the weight of her words hit me. She was honest about the hurt and the scars that still lingered from those early years of my addiction. It wasn’t easy for either of us, but it was necessary. It was a moment of vulnerability that allowed us to start healing together.

The Power of Vulnerability

Many couples think healing comes the minute the problems stop. But the truth is, healing comes when you both confront the wounds head-on. When you both choose to listen, even if the words sting.

That conversation wasn’t about assigning blame or reopening old wounds. It was about understanding, about seeing things through her eyes. And in that moment, I saw the power of vulnerability and grace.

The spark we thought had dimmed reignited not long after. But it wasn’t just because we were going through the motions or ticking boxes. It was because we were both committed to seeing each other fully—scars and all.

Your Marriage Can Heal, Too

I’m sharing this because I know many of you may be in a similar place. You’ve been through storms and come out the other side, but something feels off. You love each other, but the passion feels distant. I want to encourage you—don’t settle for that feeling. Don’t assume that’s as good as it gets.

Take a moment to have the hard conversations. Ask each other the deep questions. Let God into those uncomfortable spaces in your marriage and allow Him to heal your hearts.

As we just celebrated 22 years, I’m more grateful than ever for the work God has done in us. It’s my prayer that your marriage will experience the same healing and renewal. Remember, a marriage isn’t just about surviving—it’s about thriving.

So, take a step today. Ask God to guide you and open your hearts. And watch how He moves.

 

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I am co-founder of Inspired Marriage. I went through 19 years of addictions until God healed me Dec 26th, 2007. The first 5 years of our marriage was hell because of my addictions. With Sandy's patience, I was able to allow God to work in me and we have been growing spiritually together ever since! Oct 5th, 2023 was 21 years of marriage and it's been an inspired one!

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