Do you realize that marriage is two broken people coming together. When two people marry, there will never be two whole perfect people coming together. Christ was the only person who could claim that so when you are looking for someone to marry, you should not be finding the perfect person but the person who is perfect for you.
I am not one of these people who believe in soul-mates. That is one of the most fairytale myths out there. Think about it this way, if there was one true soul-mate then what happens when one person divorces? Does that not mess up the whole picture? That would mean while you were married, you may have messed it up for that person’s soul-mate.
A lot of people think that if they just marry their soul-mate they will have no problems. The communication just happens. The soul-mate idea is just a myth. Marriage takes communication. It takes work to make it through your ups and downs.
I am not trying to make marriage sound like something that is so hard that it isn’t worth pursuing. Marriage is hard because you have two broken people coming together.
How do we come together as broken people to become one as God commands? It takes time and effort. We don’t just marry and poof the relationship is awesome. The relationship takes effort from both parties. Its takes both of you to make marriage work but only one of you to destroy it. You can’t make anyone love you.
Because we come into marriage as broken people from our past, we have to not only work on our marriages but also on ourselves. Marriage is not just about finding the right person but also, it is about becoming the right person.
When you become the right person you will attract to you the right kind of person. I see a lot of people who keep finding the same type of guy or girl and then complain about it. When there is a pattern there then usually there is a reason you are attracting that kind of a person.
One of the biggest myths I see is that you have to be fully attracted to the other person. I see so many people who give others a chance because of looks. Granted you have to have some attraction but I am talking about people who feel they have to be fully attracted.
When you meet someone who is a fully devoted follower of Christ, that should turn you on so much but to most people that is last on the list of what they look for. When I watch people date certain people, I can almost predict where that relationship is going to go. I am wrong sometimes but in 90% of the cases, I am right.
You should never date someone unless they are marriage material and they fit what you are looking for in a husband or wife. I know you may be saying but how do I know that they aren’t that? There are some people that you date who you know you would never bring home to mama and if that is the case then you have no business dating them.
That should be a red flag if you don’t want them to meet your parents. Again, marriage is tough enough when you have things in common already because of both people being broken. Lets not make it harder than it already is.
So what does a broken person do? God can heal you from your broken past. This isn’t saying that your past goes away because of course it is still there but if you allow God to, he can help you see your past in a different light, meaning through his eyes instead of yours.
When you see your past through his eyes, you will see things lining up to get you to where you are in life. When you realize that your past made you the person you are today whether that is good or bad, you now have the power to change your future because you know that who you become today creates the person you are tomorrow. The question is what are you doing today to better yourself?
When you work on your issues with God and work on your marriage what happens then? You create an environment for your marriage to flourish. You change everything about your marriage. This won’t happen overnight but eventually you will get to a place within yourself that you are adding much value to the marriage. You will then be adding more than you are taking.
When you have two people adding to the marriage on a daily basis, you have a marriage that will flourish. How do you do it with God? By pursuing God together on a daily basis. As I tell people when you have a husband and wife both pursuing God together on a daily basis, you have an unstoppable marriage that Blesses God.
The biggest key to that is together and daily. A lot of people pursue God but they don’t do it together as a couple. There is magic that happens within a marriage when both are pursuing God together.
When you are doing that, your past issues will heal. As they are healing your marriage gets stronger. When you feel your marriage is strong, this is probably the most critical point in your marriage because this is when people fall.
I have heard many people say our marriage is so strong, there is no way we could fall. When that is in your mind then satan already has you whether you know it or not. You don’t keep your guard up and then you find yourself in situations that you shouldn’t be in and it puts a strain on your marriage.
Once that strain happens then you start pulling away from each other and spending more time apart. Spending more time apart is NEVER the answer. You will almost always lose when that happens.
So why did you get there? It is because two broken people got married. Whether you deal with that before marriage which is important or you deal with it after you are married, eventually you have to deal with those issues so NOW is the time to work on “you”.
Are you ready to become a new you? Can you imagine waking up next to your husband or wife each day and feel that you are with a new person each day? That is what God can do for your marriage. I can honestly say I am with a new wife all the time because we both are growing each day.
Ask God to heal your heart of your past. Ask him to show you areas that you need to work on. Ask him to give you the wisdom to know which areas need the most work. Ask him to help you see that your marriage problems are on you and ask him to help your spouse see that your marriage problems are on them. Both people have to see that the problems within the marriage are their own brokenness.
Living an Inspired Marriage,
Chris Benton
P.S. We are writing a book called Broken Together
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