Marriage can face seasons of darkness, leaving you wondering if brighter days are ahead. But there is always hope. God stands ready to guide you and your spouse toward renewal. In my own life, I’ve witnessed how God transformed my mess into a message. Sandy and I have been through our own valleys—seasons of struggle that tested our faith and commitment. But those same valleys became the foundation for a stronger, more purposeful marriage. These steps, grounded in faith and action, can help you and your spouse move toward healing and a deeper connection.
1. Acknowledge Where Your Marriage Is—And Bring It to God
Admitting the truth about where your marriage stands is a courageous first step. For years, I avoided facing the truth about my struggles, but the moment I surrendered everything to God, transformation began. In our early years, Sandy and I struggled to communicate through the weight of my addiction. When we finally brought everything to God—our pain, doubts, and even anger—healing began.
Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted.” Openly acknowledge where your relationship is and invite God into that space.
Reflection: What challenges in your marriage do you need to bring to God? Together or individually, take time to pray, surrendering your burdens to Him.
2. Find Purpose in the Pain Together
Every marriage will face storms, but those storms can reveal a deeper purpose. During my darkest times, I discovered a calling to help others.
Romans 8:28 reminds us, “In all things God works for the good of those who love him.”
In 2007, when God healed me from 19 years of addiction, Sandy and I both felt called to minister to other couples. We didn’t know how it would unfold, but looking back, we see how that season prepared us for a marriage ministry that would encourage others.
Reflection: How could your marriage story—both the struggles and the victories—serve to encourage others? What purpose might God be revealing to you as a couple?
3. Rewrite the Narrative of Your Relationship
Marriages often get stuck in negative cycles: resentment, blame, or insecurity. Break free by replacing these patterns with God’s truth. Sandy and I realized that when we focused on the good in each other—choosing to see the strengths instead of the flaws—it shifted how we approached our challenges. Speak life over your marriage with affirmations from Scripture, such as:
2 Corinthians 5:17: “If anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
Reflection: What negative thoughts or patterns have taken root in your marriage? Write them down together and replace each one with a truth or Scripture that speaks life into your relationship.
4. Take Small Steps Toward Healing Every Day
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. In both my personal journey and our marriage, small, consistent actions made all the difference. During one of our toughest seasons, Sandy and I made a commitment to grow together each day. It wasn’t always easy, but when we focused on intentional growth, something truly transformative happened in our marriage.
Zechariah 4:10 says, “Do not despise these small beginnings.”
Whether it’s committing to pray together, sharing one kind word daily, or scheduling quality time, small actions build momentum toward restoration.
Reflection: What small step could you take as a couple today to strengthen your bond? Write it down and commit to it.
5. Surround Your Marriage With Uplifting Community
Strong marriages don’t happen in isolation. During my recovery, having supportive people around was crucial.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 tells us, “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
Sandy and I found that attending marriage conferences and small groups kept us grounded and inspired. These connections gave us the tools to navigate tough times and grow together.
Reflection: Who in your life inspires or encourages your marriage? If you lack support, pray for God to connect you with uplifting relationships.
6. Serve Together, Even When It’s Hard
One way to strengthen your marriage is to serve others as a team. During my recovery, helping others gave me new purpose. As a couple, serving others can shift the focus from problems to purpose. When Sandy and I started attending conferences, small groups, church events, etc.., telling pieces of our story not only helped others but also strengthened our bond.
Acts 20:35 reminds us, “It is more blessed to give than to receive.”
Reflection: How can you and your spouse serve others as a team? Choose one specific way to give back together this week.
7. Trust in God’s Timing and Hold on to Hope
Transformation takes time. My journey didn’t unfold as quickly as I wanted, and neither will all marriage challenges. But God’s timing is always perfect.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Sandy and I had to learn patience in rebuilding trust and rediscovering joy. God’s plan for your marriage is unfolding, even if you can’t see it now.
Reflection: What are you waiting on God to do in your marriage? Surrender your timeline to Him and ask for patience and faith as you trust His timing.
No matter how dark the season, God is ready to lead you and your spouse into light, healing, and purpose. Reflect on these steps together and take them one at a time. Your marriage may be in a valley now, but with God, there’s hope, renewal, and strength waiting on the other side.
Living a God-Inspired Marriage,
Chris
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