Harmony in marriage is essential if you’re in it for the long haul. There will be seasons when it feels like you and your spouse are on completely different pages. In those times, you have to resist the urge to give up. Often, the “greener grass” that looks so appealing on the other side is just artificial. Don’t fall for it—those choices often bring regret.
What does God think about harmony in marriage? The answer is clear:
Mark
10:6-9
But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
That’s the harmony God calls us to. It’s about a husband and wife becoming one, moving together like a well-timed dance, each in sync with the other, like a couple mastering the Tango. But just like the Tango, this harmony takes work and commitment.
If you’ve ever seen a couple struggle through a dance, out of rhythm with one another, you know it doesn’t look pretty. But when they’re in sync, it’s pure magic. That’s what marriage is meant to be—two people moving as one. And while becoming “one” isn’t easy, it’s worth every effort. When you and your spouse are on the same page, there’s no limit to where your marriage can go. Miracles happen when harmony is there.
When Sandy and I first got married, we were so in sync that friends thought it was cute. We did everything together; we were each other’s shadow. But after my mom passed away, things changed. I slipped back into the only coping method I knew—drugs and alcohol. I relapsed into my addictions, which was terrifying for Sandy; she had no experience with any of that.
In those early years of our marriage, we started to lose our harmony, and with it, our passion. Passion flows when you’re in harmony, and it fades when you’re not. That was what we began to experience.
During that difficult time, Sandy worked hard to keep us connected. She didn’t give up, even when most people would have. She didn’t listen to society’s voices saying it was over. Instead, she loved me right through those struggles, taking her pain and frustrations to God every night, praying that He would heal my heart. And on December 26, 2007, that prayer was answered, and I became fully sober. Today, I’ve been sober for over 16 years, and life has been amazing.
But healing the marriage took more than overcoming my addictions; it was a process. It took years of growth to get to where we are today. If you’re struggling, know that you can find harmony again, because we did. Today, we’re more united than ever, and I understand now why God calls for harmony in marriage.
A few years after I got sober, God led us to the church He had in mind for us. We had no idea how significant this would be. We’d hit a point where our growth had plateaued, and that’s when God brought us back to church.
You may be thinking, I don’t need to go to church to have a strong relationship with God. Sandy and I used to say that too. We listened to online sermons here and there, but eventually, we felt God urging us to connect with a local church. You can read the full story of how God led us back to church on my main blog.
The first Sunday we tried out the church He led us to, we even joined a small group. We were all in. That group became an amazing part of our journey. For 1–2 years, we grew spiritually and relationally in ways we hadn’t expected.
During that time, we not only read the Bible but also read books, listened to multiple sermons online each week, and immersed ourselves in teachings by speakers we respected. We still listen to many of those speakers, and we’ve been back at church for over 10 years now.
We also prioritize marriage enrichment. We go to every marriage seminar we can, listen to marriage-focused sermons, and keep our hearts and minds open to God’s guidance. Every night, we spend time listening to marriage talks, communication studies, and Bible studies. We also listen to a few sermons throughout the week, and none of this replaces our local church. The local church provides community and transformation you can’t find anywhere else.
Since we started attending church again in 2010, we’ve grown tremendously as a couple. The reward is the marriage we have today. You might think, That sounds like a lot of work. But who ever said marriage wouldn’t be? If you’re willing to put in the effort, marriage can become your strength. For us, it’s more than just a strength—communication has become one of our greatest assets.
If we treated our marriages with the dedication we put into our careers, our marriages would be strong, too. Marriage and communication can be studied and learned, just like a career. When you start diving into marriage and communication, it becomes a passion. You’ll see the two of you growing together as one.
As we grew, Sandy became more comfortable sharing her experiences during those rough years, telling me things I hadn’t realized or even remembered. Over time, she saw that I was listening and understanding her more deeply.
Today, our marriage is marked by complete openness. Harmony isn’t possible without openness and vulnerability. We’re proof that you can go through the depths of hardship and come back stronger than ever. It’s possible, but it all starts with committing to God and His Word, even when it’s hard to understand. The Bible is our guide for life and especially for marriage.
If you’ll start learning about each other, growing together in Christ, and pursuing resources to strengthen your marriage, you can change its direction. This doesn’t happen overnight, but with consistency and patience, you’ll start to see the fruit.
If Sandy hadn’t given me space to grow, we might not be married today. We wouldn’t have celebrated over 22 years together, and we wouldn’t have the family we have now. I’m grateful every day for Sandy, who stood in the gap when I couldn’t. Her strength in my weakness ultimately brought us to where we are today.
This is what harmony is all about. By making small efforts daily, you can bring real harmony back to your marriage. Don’t settle for an average marriage when God wants you to have an Inspired Marriage!
Living an Inspired Marriage,
Chris Benton
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