As I was coming up with the parts to Family Destroyers, I almost left Attitude out. I really can’t believe I almost did that. Sandy said to me about this series, are you doing one on Attitude? I said no but now I am. Thanks so much Sandy! So grateful that I have such an awesome wife.
EVERYTHING you do stems from attitude. Attitude is the most important thing in life. As they say life is 98% attitude and 2% action. Most people who make it in life do so because they had the right attitude to make it. I say most because there are always exceptions. There are a few people that have a very bad attitude but somehow still make it in life but they are miserable people in the process.
Well what about your marriage and with your kids? How does attitude affect them? It affects them in every way. Many times before the marriage falls apart, the attitude already started. Attitude is usually the first thing to go in a marriage.
How you treat your spouse says so much about your attitude. I know people that call their wife “old Lady”. I am like REALLY? Come on now. That is such a bad thing to program in your mind.
How about when a group of married women get together including Christian women, then start husband bashing. WHY? To look good? Why do they have such a bad attitude? Marriage is supposed to be enjoyable.
I heard someone ask what if God gave you your spouse to make you Holy not Happy? Now granted that is a great question but I see it differently. Why can’t you be Holy & Happy? I think many Christian people have this attitude that in order to serve God you have to not be happy. In order to serve God you have to be broke. In order to serve God you have to be perfect.
Those kinds of attitudes will kill the family. I believe that God wants us to be happy but happy his way not the world’s way. Many people think material things will make them happy but it is short-lived. Happiness on the outside is always depending on circumstances but when you have true joy in your heart, it doesn’t matter what is going on, you have a peace in you.
I have read so many books on attitude. Attitude doesn’t control what happens to you but it does control how you go through it. I am not talking about some hokey poky kind of stuff. I am talking about an attitude of gratefulness in your heart. You can either look at your family as a burden and some people do or you can look at them as a Blessing.
If you see your family through burdensome eyes, your family will suffer but if you see your family through the eyes of Blessing then your family will be Blessed.
I believe that my wife and I are strong right now because both of us are easy to please. I see many people where the man or woman could fly to the moon and you still wouldn’t get a response out of the spouse. That is no way to be in a marriage.
How about your kids? Are you destroying your kids because of your lousy attitude? Whether you realize it or not you are destroying them too. I actually heard a mom tell her 16 daughter that she is mean to her because life will be mean to her. She said she is building character in her. REALLY? Come on now, she was destroying her 16 year old daughter because of her past experiences.
Don’t allow your past experiences to cloud your judgement about your spouse or your kids. There are many people that have been cheated on so many times so they are married now waiting on their husband to cheat. They are pushing their spouse away because of past experiences.
Yes, whatever happened to you in the past might have been bad but you don’t have to make your current husband or wife pay for someone else’s past crime towards you. You past needs to stay right where it is, in your past.
We should use our past to learn from but not take orders from it. Are you still so focused on what happened in your past that you are allowing it to control your every thought? If you are then you are allowing it to destroy your family.
You remember in the Part 4 blog post where I talked about addictions? This is another form of addiction. Focusing on your past so that your today can’t be great. We all from time to time wallow in our past but we can’t allow it to control us.
There are only 2 things in this world that we have 100% control over. They are our actions and our attitude. We don’t control other people’s actions or attitude but ours and ours alone. Granted sometimes our actions and attitudes put fire in a situation that spring out of control.
Do you say I will change when he or she does? It doesn’t work that way. We are to change as a person whether someone else does or not. So the next time you catch yourself saying if he or she would just do this my life would be easier. WRONG! We can only control what we do and what our attitude is.That’s it!
The point to all this is that your attitude controls everything you do, good or bad. If you keep a bad attitude you will over time destroy your family and people won’t want to be around you. If you keep your attitude more on the positive side of life people will be drawn to you. You will become a people magnet as people will gravitate toward you. Life will seem easier even though it is no easier than anyone else’s.
Don’t get me wrong here, I am not saying that you should never let your emotions show because that extreme is bad too. If you do that eventually your emotions will come out and blast at people. You can’t hold your emotions in. There has to be balance in your life just like everything else. Yes your life might be falling apart but at least you have God with you right?
God never said that he would take away our problems but he did say he would be right there with us through them. Life isn’t supposed to be easy but it is supposed to be fruitful no matter what happens to you. When you look at your past, if you can honestly say you learned something positive from that experience then that is what life is all about.
I say learn something positive because some people learn negative from an experience. For example a woman gets cheated on multiple times so she learns that all men are dogs which is false. So instead of learning that maybe she picked the wrong kind of guy she takes it as all men are like that.
So whatever happens to you, find some positive lesson within the experience. When you start taking positive lessons from things you will see your life change like never before.
Ask God to help you change your attitude. Tell him you have had this bad attitude disease long enough. Ask him to heal your heart and to heal your family from the attitude. Ask him to help you be more of the wife or husband you need to be with the right attitude. Ask him to help you become the parent you need to be so that your attitude doesn’t rub off on your kids.
I will end this with one statement and one question: Success in a marriage is not about finding the right person as much as it is about becoming the right person. Ask yourself would you want to be married to you then act accordingly.
Living an Inspired Marriage,
Chris Benton
Latest posts by Chris Benton (see all)
- The Transformative Power of Small Groups: Our Journey to Community - October 30, 2024
- The Power of Labels in Marriage: How Are You Defining Your Spouse? - October 29, 2024
- Finding Harmony: Building a Marriage That Lasts - October 28, 2024