The Power of Attitude in Marriage and Family
Everything you do stems from attitude. It’s the most important thing in life—what they say is true: life is 98% attitude and 2% action. Most people who make it in life do so because they have the right mindset to succeed. Sure, there are exceptions—a few people with bad attitudes do “make it,” but they’re often miserable in the process.
In Colossians 3:10, we’re reminded, “put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator.” When we come to God, we are renewed, transformed—and this should influence every part of us, including how we talk to our spouse. Attitude drives every word, whether good or bad.
Your Attitude and Your Family
So, what about your marriage and your kids? How does your attitude affect them? In every way. Many marriages start to deteriorate long before anyone realizes it—often, the first thing to slip is attitude.
How you treat your spouse is a reflection of your mindset. I know people who refer to their wife as “old lady.” Really? That mindset does nothing but chip away at respect. And it’s just as bad when a group of married women, even Christian women, gather and start husband-bashing. Why? To fit in? Marriage is supposed to be enjoyable, something you take pride in and nurture.
I once heard someone ask, “What if God gave you your spouse to make you holy, not happy?” A fair question, but I see it differently. Why can’t we be holy and happy? Some people have this attitude that serving God requires suffering or unhappiness, even poverty. But that mindset is destructive, especially to the family.
God wants us to be happy—but in His way, not in the world’s way. Happiness isn’t found in material things or external successes, which are short-lived. True joy and peace come from within, no matter what circumstances you face.
Attitude in Action
Attitude doesn’t control what happens to you, but it does shape how you go through it. I’m not talking about “positive thinking” gimmicks, but about a genuine attitude of gratitude. You can either see your family as a blessing or as a burden. If you look at them with love and appreciation, your family will feel valued. If you see them as a burden, they will feel that too.
I believe my wife and I are strong because we’re both easy to please. I’ve seen couples where one partner could fly to the moon, and the other still wouldn’t react. That’s no way to nurture a marriage.
And what about your kids? Are you unknowingly tearing them down because of your own attitude? I once heard a mother tell her daughter, “I’m tough on you because life will be tough on you.” She thought she was building character, but she was actually tearing down her daughter’s spirit. Don’t let your past experiences determine how you treat your spouse or kids.
If you’ve been hurt or cheated on in the past, that’s painful, but your current spouse doesn’t deserve to pay for someone else’s choices. We have to learn from our past without letting it rule us.
Focus on What You Can Control
There are only two things in this world we have 100% control over: our actions and our attitude. We can’t control others, but we can control ourselves. Too often, people say, “I’ll change when they do.” That’s not how God sees it. We’re responsible for growing as individuals, no matter what others do.
The truth is, if you keep a bad attitude, over time, it can destroy your family. But if you lean toward a positive attitude, people—including your spouse—will be drawn to you. Life will seem easier, not because it is easier, but because you’ll carry a sense of peace within you.
This doesn’t mean you should hide your emotions. Bottling everything up can lead to emotional explosions. Life is about balance, and that includes a balance of expressing yourself while maintaining faith.
A Positive Mindset with God
God never promised a problem-free life, but He did promise to be with us through it all. Life isn’t always easy, but it’s meant to be fruitful. When you look at your past, ask yourself if you learned something positive from it. This doesn’t mean learning negative lessons. For example, if someone has been cheated on repeatedly, they might start to think all men or women are unfaithful. But that’s a harmful lesson. Instead, they might learn to seek better qualities in a partner.
Ask God to help you change your attitude. If you’re struggling with negativity, ask Him to renew your heart and heal your family from any harm caused by it. Pray for the wisdom to be the spouse and parent you need to be so that your attitude builds up rather than tears down.
The words you say to your spouse can either lift their spirit or crush it. God didn’t give you your spouse to criticize or tear down. Treasure them, through the good times and the hard times. As you work on seeing and treating your spouse differently, you’ll begin to see your marriage transformed in God’s way.
A Final Thought
Success in marriage isn’t about finding the perfect person; it’s about becoming the right person. Ask yourself: Would I want to be married to me? Then, act accordingly.
Living an Inspired Marriage!
Chris
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